This post has been on my heart for awhile now. I read a lot of blogs created by other bereaved moms. There is some comfort in knowing that I am not alone in this journey. It seems like every blog has at least one post on "what NOT to say to a bereaved mother." Some examples are "you can always have more children, be thankful for the children you have, time heals all wounds and God needed another angel" (I have a beef with this one too, but I address that some other day). In truth, most of those don't bother me. In fact, when a 70 something woman from our church told me I should have another baby because it would make me feel better, it made me laugh out loud. I told her that I was already 37 years old and she just replied "who cares." Love her!
However, there is one comment that drives me absolutely crazy. It goes something like this "You are so strong. If my child died, it would just kill me." Really? This is probably meant as a compliment--the part about being strong anyway. When someone says "If my child died, it would kill me," I hear "you must not have loved your child as much as I love mine because you didn't die." Well, guess what folks... if your child dies, you won't!!! You WISH you would. You sometimes feel like you might. But you don't! Instead you carry a constant and miserable heaviness in your heart. A piece of me did die that die. That is undeniable, but it didn't kill me. I am still breathing. I still wake up every morning whether I want to or not. I am still expected to get dressed and take care of my motherly duties, pay my bill and participate fully in life. The sad truth is, the world does not stop for your intense pain. After a short period of time, life is back to "business as usual" whether you want to participate or not. I loved that little boy with my whole heart. I had plans for him. He was already very much a part of our family. My point is... AJ was loved... no less than you love your children. Here is a harsh but true statement: I hope you never lose a child, but if you do, know that it will not literally kill you.
For those of you who label me "strong," my strength has nothing to do with me. I am abosolutely and completely dependent on my Heavenly Father. The one who counts every hair on my head (Mat 10:30) and keeps all my tears in a bottle(Ps 56:8). My God who heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds(Ps. 147:3). My God who promises to be close to the brokenhearted and save those crushed in spirit(Ps 34:18). My God who promises he is always with me and will never leave or forsake me (Deut 31:6) My God who says his Grace is sufficient and His power works best in weakness (2 Cor 12:9). And my God who says he will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born(Is 66:9) God is where my strength comes from. I know God uses brokenness to serve his purpose and it is my prayer that he uses me...and AJ...to accomplish his plan.
