Back to School

Well, the kids started back to school today.  It's a little bittersweet.  Our summer was hard.  In a way this seems like starting a new chapter or perhaps just turning a page.  We deliberately had NOTHING planned for this summer.  The summer was supposed to be spent getting to know our new baby.  Instead it was spent mourning our son and brother.  I am a planner...perhaps God is trying to teach me that it's okay to NOT have it all together.  And more importantly, that my plan is not His plan. 

I'm a little nervous for the boys.  I know that first day of school is spent talking about what everyone did this summer.   I wonder what my boys will say.  After all, they held and buried their brother.  They attended their first funeral.  They took a tour of the funeral home.  They spent evenings at the cemetery sending message filled balloons to heaven.  They have spent lots of time praying for little AJ.  What will they say?  Maybe they will just talk about swimming at the pool or getting our new cows.  I know Blake was a little apprehensive about what others would say to him, if people would tell him they were sorry about his brother.  I hope they have a good day.  I have been praying for them.

Blake is playing football again this year which means we spend lots of time at practices and every Sunday night at games in Sioux Falls.  I see parents get so worked up about these 5th & 6th grade games and their child's playing time or abilities.  I think that I am not raising athletes or high academic achievers...I am raising little men after God's heart.  When they graduate from high school, I don't care if they are valedictorians, on National Honor Society or quarter back for the football team.  I care that they have a heart for God.  That they treat others with love and respect regardless of where they come from.  I just cannot stand the "cocky" kids that think they are all that.  They walk around putting others down to make themselves look good.  I am far more proud of the kids who may not play much but are still good sports.  The kids that congratulate the kid who made the catch or scored the touch down.  The kids that show real team spirit.  After all, when school is done, which skill is going to get you further--being able to catch a football or being able to show joy and compassion for others. 

Lately, the words to the song "Where I belong" by Building 429 have been playing over and over in my head.  The chorus goes like this:
         "All I know is I'm not home yet, this is not where I belong.  Take this world and give me Jesus. 
          This is not where I belong."
This is exactly how I have been feeling lately.  Like I just do not belong here anymore.  Like there is something far more important than this earthly existence.  I long for the day when I can sit in the splendor of Jesus Christ for eternity with ALL of my children.  Now, it is my job to see that my children here with me have that same love for the Lord, so we can all be together at the Throne.  So, I'll say it again...I'm not trying to raise athletes and academic scholars...I'm trying to raise children with a genuine heart for our Lord, Jesus Christ.  I challenge all of you to do the same.

"Where I belong" by Building 429     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzrMegNcCVA

8-29-2012
I just had to add to this post.  I was doing dishes the other night and thinking about AJ while listening to the radio.  The song "Homesick" by Mercy Me came on and I couldn't think of a more appropriate song.  It is amazing how God lays things on your heart.  I know this is not my Home and the things of this earth are just temporary.  I can't wait to be Home with you baby boy!  Here are the lyrics:

You're in a better place
I've heard a thousand times.
And at least a thousand times
I've rejoiced for you.
But the reason why I'm broken
is how long must I wait to be with you?

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is
then I'm out of place.
Lord won't you give me strength
to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't
understand your ways.
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know.
But even if you showed me,
the hurt would be the same
because I'm still here
so far away from Home.

In Christ there are no goodbyes.
In Christ there is no end.
So I'll hold on to Jesus
to see you again
to see you again.
*****


Homesick by Mercy Me    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3k1rJOQPdY
Could any words ring truer?